Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Past Scandals of America Tuesday: Jack Abram off? But I hardly know Abram.

Once upon a time and a land called Lobbying, there lived a ambitious, successful man by the name of Jack Abramoff. Lil' Jackie lived a pleasant life. At Beverly Hills high school where he was a champion weight lifter and, according to the gospel of NPR, a bully. He also found his way to Judaism through the film of Fiddler on the Roof. He gave back to cinema as well, by helping to write an anti-communist action film entitled Red Scorpion that included this little chestnut:

Dewey Ferguson: Man, what I'd give for a bacon-cheeseburger right now. Wash it down with an ice cold glass of beer. Fuckin' A.

Kallunda: When we arrive at Porto Silva, there will be a celebration, and much feasting. Beer too.

Dewey Ferguson: Fuckin' A!

Lt. Nikolai: Do the americans all swear so much as you do?

Dewey Ferguson: As a matter of fact, in America, an American can swear whenever, wherever, however much he or she fuckin' well pleases! It's a little something we call freedom of speech, which I'm sure you Russians aren't real familiar with!

Speed up many years later, where Jack-Jack is a powerful lobbyist and, what many would consider, a balla. That is evidenced by the way he rocks a fedora.


He was gracing sky boxes 'round the world and his own restaurant. But that would all come crashing down when he was investigated for corruption for, y'know, giving people the sky box visits and trips to his restaurant. He's now doing about 5 years in the big house. But out of the myriad of reasons to love him, our favorite is that he's in a pepetual state of, "Oops, y'all."


Jack Abram off? But I hardly know Abram! And I would probably only let him get to second base.

Jack Abramoff

Don't drop the soap!


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