HOT: John Krasinski

Our dearest John Krasinski,



We loved you on The Office as the adorable Jim Halpart. We kinda get the warm fuzzies when you look at Pam in that way that just seems like you would do anything to make her smile.


But we just like this:



We would knit him tons of scarves.



and we can forgive the fact that he's a Red Sox fan and we're totally Yankees.



He supports our theory that Brown University has all the hot boys (class of '02)! And he has a degree in playwrighting. (Fun fact about your bloggers: we once co-wrote a play about dead gerbils. Future post? Comment if you want it.) Nevermind. Brown boys are hot. And mature.



We really like the curve of his nose.



And the curve of his...other...things.



We're sleazy. You love it.

He's cute. You love it.



Love Always,

The Alexander Hamilton Project

PS




AND

we could not get this to embed anywhere, but see this:

http://www.nbc.com/The_Office/video/#mea=116171

Hottie(s) Of The week: Arrested Development

Ah, this beloved cancelled show is literally overflowing with sex gods. The maturely immature jokes and sly wit (literally, every time we watch it, we find something different.) makes our heart sing and our brains pound. This magical show isn't tricky, it's an illusion! Trust us, if you're not watching this show, you're making a huge mistake. We cannot wait until 2009 for the upcoming movie, and are hoping for some hot cousin-on-cousin action.

Here is, in our humble, obsessed opinion, here are our top-ranked Arrested Development that we want to make pop-pop in the attic with.

10.) Tony Hale as Buster



Mmm, what do we love more than an emotionally stunted, Oedipus-like, captain-hook handed, Liza Minnelli-dating Buster?

"Make love in your own hand, Mother!"

"I decided to sleep in the car so my snoring wouldn't bother you. And I left that recording of my snoring so you wouldn't know I'm gone."

Lindsay: You’ve had $80,000 worth of cartography lessons. Get us a channel to the ocean.
Buster: Okay, okay, okay.
(Pauses)
Buster: Obviously this blue part here is the land.

9.) Alia Shawkat as Maeby



What isn't endearing about a young girl who possibly has a crush on her possibly not blood related cousin. How about a girl who asks people to marry her as a way of distraction? Or maybe a girl who pretends to be a wheel-chaired twin, Shirley, who has a fatal case of a bull-shit illness, "B.S."?

"Let's sit quietly and consider how ridiculous that statement actually was."

8.) Ron Howard's disembodied voice.

The only way to describe his narration is teeming with sexuality. Oh, the erotic way he says, 'Next time, on Arrested Development' sends shivers down our collective spines.

GOB: Well, I will tell you this, Michael... I don’t have a son...

Narrator: He does.

G.O.B.: But if I ever do, I’m either going to take him to the cabin in the woods, or I’m going to promise to take him and then not take him. But the one thing that I will never do is not tell him that I’m taking him to a cabin in the woods, and then not take him!

Narrator: G.O.B. was growing up.

7.) David Cross as Tobais



Possibly the most amusing character on the whole damn show. Never without the non-sequiters, at one point they brilliant writers pulled off an entire arc where he pretended to be his version of Mrs. Doubtfire, Mrs. Featherbottom. Never mind the never ending repressed homosexual jokes. If the show was an entire half hour of Tobias sitting in a room, I would watch. Thankfully, they're more creative than that. We hope we can get this Never-nude to change his ways.

"Yes. Lindsay and I are planning a night of heterosexual intercourse."

Tobias: OK, Lindsay, are you forgetting that I was a professional twice over? An analyst and a therapist--the world's first analrapist.
Lindsay: Yes, and you were almost arrested for those business cards

Tobias: I prematurely shot my wad on what was supposed to be a dry run, if you will, so now I'm afraid i have something of a mess on my hands.


6.)Jeffery Tambor as George Sr.



This man (both Tambor and George Sr.) is a genius. The inventor of the poorly constructed/thought-out/marketed product ever: The Cornballer. He spends much of the first season in jail and later breaks out, to be confused for his twin brother, Oscar- the one who got the hair in his family.

Michael: We've got a picture of you with Saddam Hussein.
George Sr.: I thought that was the guy who played the Soup Nazi. I told him how much I liked his work.



5.) Jessica Walter as Lucille



Mrs. Lucille Bluth loves all her children equally, but doesn't care for Gob. Never without a drink in her hand and a skirted suit on, Lucille Bluth is known for quite a few things, seldom printable on a 'family blog.'

Oh, Michael, honey. I want to cry so bad. But I don't think I can spare the moisture.

I’ve been drinking since before you were born. So if alcohol’s the reason I’m here, I got news for you, bub, it’s the only reason you’re here, too.

I can't stand overly dramatic people. They make me want to light myself on fire.

4.) Will Arnett as Gob



What's the best part about Gob? Is it that creamy voice? They way he leaves paper bags in the freezer marked: 'Dead Dove. Do Not Eat?' The fact that the final countdown plays everytime our favorite magician starts a show? Nope, our favorite has to be his black puppet, Franklin.

"Don't call my escorts whores."

"And that is why Jesus was often referred to as the King of Kings. Queens. The King of Queens."

3.) Portia Del Rossi as Lindsay



Lindsay is the hottest rich girl married to a possibly gay nevernude ever.
Period.

I'm tired of trying to find happiness through lies and self-medicating. If you need me, I'll be at the bar.



2. ) Jason Bateman as Michael



So, we're fairly certain that we just in love with Jason Bateman. In everything. Including Teen Wolf Too.

Michael: (To George Michael) Hey, why don't you pop a tent in front with
your cousin Maeby. Well, this is a good chance for
you to rub off on her.

Her?

You know, the feeling that you're FEELING is just what many of us call... a feeling.


1.) Michael Cera as George Michael



And we're definatly in love with Michael Cera. For the past three or so years, we have constructed an intricate alternate universe in which we are dating, and destined to marry Mr. Cera. (Our children's names are Daisy and Jack, by the way.)Our love runs deep for this boy who will eventually get his own page- we're waiting so we can do him justice. But we first fell in love with him as awkward teen George Michael. And its pretty clear why:



Michael: What do you think of when you hear the word Sudden Valley?
George Michael: Salad dressing, I think. But for some reason, I don’t want to eat it.
Michael: Right. But Paradise Gardens...
George Michael: Yeah. Okay, I can... I can see marinating a chicken in that.

I bought you a wedding ring... tone.

Michael: Keep in mind, we are building something that is not only for our kids, it's also for George Michael and Maeby's kids too.
George Michael: We can't have kids. What's the matter? What are you saying? It's not even an option, really.

Hottie Of The week Wednesday: Joel Stein

Hottie Of The week: Joel Stein


Welcome to the precedent for our “HOT” segment. Did you know Alexander Hamilton set the precedent for the Secretary of Treasury? Good lord, I hope you did.

Now, whom have we deemed worthy of copulation? Joel Stein. He, the hottie of Time Magazine, whose columns often draw the angriest letters. He, the hottie who actually takes up space in well-respected publications talking about his own insecurities and the first time he got high. He, the hottie who could get away with a mullet in his teens.

For serious.



You might have seen him as a talking head on VH1’s I Love the 80s, or 90s, or whatever else VH1 tells him to love. Perhaps you caught his episode of Bill Maher- it’s the same one where Mr. Maher gets heckled. After Bill (another future hottie of the week) physically kicks the detractor out, our witty object of lust simply says:

“Its OK, I only brought one guest.”

Continuing in his grand adorable quest, when another heckler pops up, Joel Stein quips:

“That one’s not mine.”

See why we’re in love? And here’s another picture of this fine hunka-hunka man. Look, he likes babies!



And here’s where it gets better.

Joel Stein once had his own TV show, ‘Hey Joel.’ That was animated. Where he interviewed celebrities. That’s theme song was sung by the amazing band, Fountains of Wayne. And it only aired in Canada.

Here is a portion of our favorite piece by him, in which Joel eats a pot brownie. You’re welcome.

Coming Clean About My Drug History

I can’t wait to get into harder drugs. it used to be when I saw those ads where the guy talks about how heroin made him not care about his family, food or sex, I was sad. Now all I can think is, “How have I allowed myself to be fooled by this mirage of family, food and sex? Hook me up with some of that juicy heroin goodness!”

Until last weekend I had never tried any illegal drugs. This was a source of embarrassment, knowing that people I considered far less cool than I, people who were my parents, had at least smoked pot. So when I found out that George W. Bush, a man who likes only the Beatles albums that came before Sergeant Pepper, had hinted that he’d done drugs, I knew I had to loosen up. Bush said he hadn’t done any drugs since at least 15 years before his father’s Inauguration, which means he couldn’t have been older than 28 when he last got experienced. That’s how old I am. If I ever hoped to run for office, this was my last chance.

Fortuitously, I had lent my apartment in New York to my friend Lani, who has access to a garden in California. Aware of my Clintonesque refusal to inhale anything, Lani has been offering to make me pot brownies since high school. When I returned to my apartment, there was a thank-you note and a baked good.


Getting stoned wasn’t that exciting. Sure, I felt a little tougher, picturing myself with long hair, skipping classes, listening to Rush and slamming fudge-nut brownies, but the main thing I felt was confusion. I had defined myself as the guy who never used pot, and now I didn’t have that lazy sense of identity. But I’m not nervous about spiraling into harder drugs, wandering through Tompkins Square Park jonesing for a fix. Not unless there’s a pusher with a good recipe for cocaine Rice Krispies Treats.

You can read more of his fun, fun stuff at www.thejoelstein.com.

Also, here are the lyrics for ‘Hey Joel’ by Fountains of Wayne.

This is a show about a Jewish guy named Joel stein
In real life he writes for a magazine called time
But now he has his own cartoon show on VH1
In which he works for a TV show, a made-up one
But even though the show has a standard sitcom feel
All the interviews of famous people are for real
Joel likes to ask ‘em questions that’ll make ‘em squirm
Sometimes he gets punched out
Joel never learns
Hey Joel
What do ya know?
Ya got your own show
Try not to blow it
‘Cause if you’re not funny then you’ll soon be gone
And they can fill the time with more Lenny Kravitz songs
Then you’ll be in obscurity where you belong
Hey Joel